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4 Simple Steps To Being a Better Person

Ok you may be saying "how can there be just 4 steps"? Most seemingly complicated issues can be broken to a short list of root causes. Change begins from within. Make a decision, a resolution, a commitment, to be a better person from this moment onward.

What do I mean by "better"?

Everyone has heard of the Golden Rule, but there is an even greater maxim that was given, and I call it the Platinum Rule:

"Love one another as I have loved you".

That bold challenge to love can be frightening and overwhelming. Try the following suggestions on for size. Try them, put them into practice before you scoff at them.

  1. Find a spiritual hero
  2. Ask what would my hero do in this situation?
  3. Act like your hero even it is far outside your comfort zone
  4. Periodically ask yourself is there a better hero I should emulate?

As you work your way through this the work becomes deeper, perhaps more difficult, but not fundamentally different.

We are all here to love. Find a spiritual hero whose actions you can choose to emulate. Be the better person today. You can do it.

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The Bible is God’s GPS — WRONG!

Several churches located near my home have displays/signs on their property showing things like worship times, and potentially the topic for the sermon on Sunday. Recently I saw the following sign:

The Bible is God’s GPS

I have to wholeheartedly disagree with this statement. Think about how a GPS works, and how you use one. A GPS consistently gives out clear and concise directions on where to go, “Turn RIGHT in 100 feet onto Main St”. If you make a mistake it chimes in “Recalculating”, then gives you new directions. We often follow a GPS blindly as can be seen in this article in the New York Times from a few years ago. There were two separate incidents, less than a year apart, where the driver followed the GPS directions and turned onto railroad tracks.

Our walk with God, and communication from Him via the Bible, is NOT a passive exercise. The Bible is more like a paper road map.

OK, but what does that mean?  I’d like to point out something I read a few years ago in David Allen’s book Ready For Anything.

“A map is not functional until you know where you are on it.”

So where is the Red Dot saying “You are HERE” on this road map? The present moment is that Red Dot. I don’t mean a passive present moment, but rather one where you are engaged and truly experiencing the present moment.

Having difficulty finding the “Red Dot” in your life? I would suggest that you do what I call an “instant meditation”. It involves evaluating your current “spiritual posture”, and inviting the God of your understanding into the present moment.

Spiritual Posture

  1. Where are my feet? What are the physical sensations that I am experiencing? Where am I physically? Looking at potentially several different on/off states like hot/cold, pleasant/unpleasant, relaxed/agitated, etc.
  2. Where is my heart? What emotion(s) am I sensing, label it, and locate it in your body. The 7 base emotions are: sad, mad, glad, lonely, embarassed, guilty. If it is something else I would suggest that you are experiencing an emotion COUPLED with a judgement about something.  For instance, jealousy could be anger mixed with the judgment that my spouse SHOULD be faithful.
  3. Where is my head? What am I thinking about? What judgments are going on in my thoughts and speech? Am I asking many “WHY” questions, or am I getting trapped in “IF ONLY” or “SHOULD” statements?

Inviting God into the present moment

  1. Ask God into the present moment.  I mean the God of your understanding, and not anyone elses.  This could be God, Jesus, Buddha, Tao, Higher Power, Love, Infinite Wisdom, or any other personal conception.  Ask that He (She, It, They, other) give you the ability to truly experience the present moment. Feel the words vibrate in your vocal chords and pass over your lips as breath. Feel the vibration of your body. Feel your emotions, label them, and locate them in your body. Ask to let go of judgment about these things, and to just experience them.

Now that you know where you are on the map, further work is necessary.

You need to study the map, and be able to translate the abstract notation of a map into what it looks like in reality. A topological map shows altitude as concentric lines where each line is X amount of difference in elevation. Seeing lines on a map stacked closely together is different than looking at an almost vertical hill that you know you need to climb. The Bible is a wonderful map, but it can be abstract at times. Have an understanding of it, read it, interpret it, talk with others about it, and see how it relates to your current life situation.

You need to have a destination in mind, and track your progress towards your goal vs. where you actually are.  This is not meant as a means to beat yourself up, but rather as a means of course correction.  I’ve heard an anecdote that during the Apollo missions they were “off course” more than 90% of the time.  By this I mean that they were not perfectly oriented in the direction where they wanted to go (the moon), but rather were slightly askew.  They would correct their course, and then they would be slightly off course in the other direction.

Let go of the drive for perfection, to be perfectly aligned with your destination.  Instead be aware of your location, your desired destination, and what, if any, correction(s) need to be made.  Then you have to do them.

The Bible is God’s roadmap.  It is up to us to study and use it wisely.

Bill Riedy

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Desiderata

I occasionally post things I’ve read that are inspirational. Here is one of those.

Definition
Desiderata : things that are deemed essential.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

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The Man In The Arena

I occasionally post items that I’ve read that are pure inspiration. Here is one of them.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

– Theodore Roosevelt
Portion of speech given at the Sorbonne, Paris, France, April 23, 1910

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Problems with society – indications of problems with self

The problems that I see in society are the problems that I see with myself.  Perhaps others see things similar to myself, perhaps not.

  • Defining ourselves as ANTI something vs. being PRO something else.  Mother Teresa was asked to go to an anti-war rally.  She refused, but she said that if they were ever throwing a pro-peace rally she would certainly attend.  The anti mentality also leads to adversarial interactions as opposed to pro mentality where common ground can be found through the different groups.
  • Thinking in the SHORT TERM vs. focusing on LONG TERM results.  Looking at the fiscal crisis or obesity epidemic shows that we focus on the wrong things, that we want instant gratification. When we do look at consequences we only look at the primary consequences of our action, rarely the secondary, tertiary and subsequent consequences. This is also the cause of procrastination. In the short term it’s easier to put something off because in the short term it may be difficult to do something.  That is the paradox of difficulty of something as a function of time frame.  Those things that are “good” for us are often difficult in the short term (think exercise), but in the long term are highly beneficial.  Those things that are “bad” for us are easy in the short term (think character defects), but in the long term they make life difficult.
  • Looking to BLAME others vs. accepting RESPONSIBILITY for our own actions.  Others may have caused harm to us, but we must maintain focus on ourselves and the harm we have done to others and to ourselves.
  • Focusing on a mentality of LACK vs a mentality of ABUNDANCE. We are blessed and we need to be grateful for the thing that we do have. Gratitude is the way to focus on the things that we’ve been blessed with.  The lack mentality leaves us in a craving state which can cause intense suffering.
  • Focusing on NEGATIVITY vs. focusing on POSITIVITY.  This is the force that produces the vilification of those whose opinions and beliefs are different than our own. The result is a sense of hopelessness if things don’t go exactly our way.  Not seeking God in others. The way out is a focus on hope and seeing God in others.
  • Focusing on JUDGMENT vs. focusing on ACCEPTANCE.  I know that I have many thoughts of how things “should be”.  That implies a judgement. I must accept reality for what is, not complaining how it should be.
  • Focus on the PAST & FUTURE vs. focusing on the PRESENT MOMENT.  The present moment is where serenity is, and where God is. It brings to mind the passage in scripture: “Be still, and know that I am God.”
  • Having a SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT vs. having a COMMITMENT TO SERVICE.  Am I looking out for the greater good? Am I looking out for the least of my brothers? How can I be of service to others? If time truly is the most valuable asset we have, am I tithing 10% of this asset in the service of others, or in connection to God?
  • Having EXPECTATIONS vs. EMBRACING UNCERTAINTY. Am I letting go of the outcome after I have given something my fullest? Working hard, doing my best is a necessity, but I must also let go and have no expectations.  After all expectations are premeditated resentments.
  • Being PRIDEFUL vs. having HUMILITY.  Pride separates me from God, from peace, from contentment.  Humility provides the space or pause where God can come in.  Being full of pride doesn’t leave room left over for that pause to allow God to come in.
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Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

What traps are in your life?

We all have our flaws.  Some of us repeatedly get trapped by these flaws . There is a way out. Take the path of awareness and action. Live a different life you deserve it.  Here is a poem for you to ponder.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson ~

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Balance – it’s overrated

Tight rope
Tightrope

Let me challenge you for a moment.  We are never “in balance”, as we are always in motion. The real trick is becoming acutely aware of how out of balance you are, and then adjusting accordingly.  When mankind went to the moon so long ago now, the Apollo was off course more than 90% of the time.  The astronauts were adjusting their trajectory during the course of the transit from earth to moon.  They were never far off their target, but the were rarely perfectly on target.

Be gentle with yourself.  Accept the fact that you and those around you are off balance.  Just challenge yourself to become more aware more quickly, and become more finessed in your abilities in adjusting your balance.  Good luck in these new skills!

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The Secret – a guide to the Law of Attraction

The Secret - by Rhonda Byrne
The Secret – using the law of attraction in your life.

Law of attraction

The law of attraction is that like attracts like.  The energy that you are putting out into the universe will be what the universe sends back to you.  Put out positive affirming energy.  The secret boils down to these 3 steps:

  1. Ask for what you want.  State what you want in the positive present tense.
  2. Believe.  Believe that the universe (or God, or love, whatever you choose) will provide for you exactly what you asked.
  3. Receive.  What you send out you receive.  You may want to think about how any bad you may be receiving now could be negative messages that you sent out in the past.

Be aware of the messages you are sending out.  What things are you saying to others?  What are you saying to yourself?

 The Secret

On IMDB.com – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0846789/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

On Netflix – http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/The_Secret/70063484?trkid=2361637

On YouTube – http://tinyurl.com/chlvfmp

On Amazon – http://tinyurl.com/cwyb878

Definition of the law of attraction on Wikipedia

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Happy – a documentary film

Happy movie
The Happy movie

Have you wondered about happiness? I recently watched a documentary film “Happy” and I highly recommend it to others.  If you want further information on the movie I’ve included links to the movie on imdb.com, the Internet Movie DataBase, one of my favorite sites as I’m a movie aficionado.

The movie interviews several different people and how they achieve happiness in their lives.  The movie also discusses the brain and how it experiences happiness through neurotransmitters.

Happy on imdb.com –
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1613092/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

If you want to watch it streaming to your computer or smart TV it’s available on Netflix.

Happy on Netflix.com –
https://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Happy/70243161?trkid=438403

If you are old school, and you’d like to purchase a DVD I’ve provided a link to the movie on Amazon.com.

Happy on Amazon.com – http://www.amazon.com/Happy-Sonja-Lyubomirsky/dp/B008R52LES/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1365597510&sr=8-2&keywords=happy+documentary

 

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Compassion as a spiritual practice

I was listening to someone speak today about how he was having an argument with his neighbor, and he recognized that his interaction with her was NOT skillful, and that there had to be a better way.  I started to think about the relationships in my life and when I’ve been jammed up and frustrated with how things are going.

I realized that I often get jammed up when I am lacking in compassion.  Why am I getting so upset when X speaks to me in a certain way?  X could be sick and suffering in some way, and if I act compassionately toward them I won’t get as upset, and chances are that the whole interaction will go better.

If I look compassionately at myself during the interaction perhaps I’m coming from a wounded place, also sick and suffering in some way.  What can I do in the moment that is compassionate to me, and not harmful to others?  If X is causing discomfort in me is there I way I can respond that is boundaried and mature?

Compassion is needed more in the world.  Be the starting point of something new and loving in your little corner of the world.