Category: Practice

Spiritual practice

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Fire your inner critic

inner-critic

Can you control your inner critic? Or does that inner critic control you?  How much of a critic are you?  Are you of the highest order critic, like I was, able to find fault with perfection? Criticism like:

  • Buddha’s fat;
  • Ghandhi walks around half-naked;
  • Jesus needs a haircut.

It’s a lonely place. Fire your inner critic, your “lower self” and put yourself “Under New Management”. It doesn’t matter what your conception of this Higher Power is. What matters is that you have part of that Higher Power inside you. Right NOW at this present moment. Put yourself under the new management of your higher self.

This is your call to action. Take it up as your mission – to be a better more loving, less critical version of yourself. You are capable of this change as you have a piece of your higher power within you.  Embrace your own divinity and live in that light.

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4 Categories of Stinking Thinking That Steal Your Peace And Serenity

What exactly is stinking thinking?  Well they are those types of thought patterns that are unhelpful.  In the circles of psychology and self-help these are sometimes called cognitive distortions.  I’ve seen some lists that contain 67 of these cognitive distortions.  That’s a large number and perhaps too large to memorize.

There is a simpler way at looking at our thoughts.  We need to categorize our stinking thinking and these garbage thoughts fall into 4 categories. Think of the acronym EGADS.

  • Ego
  • Greed
  • Aversion
  • Delusion

Four categories – that’s a small number and it is easy to memorize a list containing 4 things.

EGO

Where am I thinking of the 3 most important people? Me, myself, and I.  OK they actually are not the most important people, but rather what we think of most often.  We are all part of an inexplicably connected greater collection of human beings.  Each of us have a divine spark within us.  Focus and try to find the divine in others, and take the focus away from yourself.

GREED

Are you caught in the disease of more?  Do you wish pleasant experiences to never end?  This too is a form of greed.  Do you covet things that are not yours?  Are you never satisfied?  Be content with what you have in this very moment.  This moment of lack will not last forever.  Focus on the contentment of the present moment.

AVERSION

Is your first reaction “oh I really don’t like this”?  Do you get stuck in thinking things should be a certain way, different from what they are right now?  Is your deepest most primal thought “leave me the F* alone”?  Have compassion for yourself and for the others around you.  Accept the present moment and your current circumstances as the reality of the moment.  You don’t have to like where you are, but you do need to accept that what is IS.

DELUSION

Are you able to see things as they truly are?  Do you exaggerate the situation of the present moment?  Have you really done things a million times?  I don’t think so.  Does your nemesis always act in a certain way?  Perhaps you need to be more careful with your words and thoughts.  How about saying something like “I often fail and succumb to the desire for a doughnut”?  Even better would be “I often choose to ignore my long term health and seek the short term pleasure of eating a doughnut”.  Words have power.  You have the power of choice over how you respond to the facts of life.  Choose wisely.

IIWII – It Is What It Is

The only way you are going to find contentment, peace, and serenity in the present moment.  The place of refuge is the present moment.  Experience it fully, experience it as it truly is.  Experience it with acceptance, love, and compassion.  Experience it by looking for the divine in the people around you.

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4 Simple Steps To Being a Better Person

Ok you may be saying "how can there be just 4 steps"? Most seemingly complicated issues can be broken to a short list of root causes. Change begins from within. Make a decision, a resolution, a commitment, to be a better person from this moment onward.

What do I mean by "better"?

Everyone has heard of the Golden Rule, but there is an even greater maxim that was given, and I call it the Platinum Rule:

"Love one another as I have loved you".

That bold challenge to love can be frightening and overwhelming. Try the following suggestions on for size. Try them, put them into practice before you scoff at them.

  1. Find a spiritual hero
  2. Ask what would my hero do in this situation?
  3. Act like your hero even it is far outside your comfort zone
  4. Periodically ask yourself is there a better hero I should emulate?

As you work your way through this the work becomes deeper, perhaps more difficult, but not fundamentally different.

We are all here to love. Find a spiritual hero whose actions you can choose to emulate. Be the better person today. You can do it.

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Problems with society – indications of problems with self

The problems that I see in society are the problems that I see with myself.  Perhaps others see things similar to myself, perhaps not.

  • Defining ourselves as ANTI something vs. being PRO something else.  Mother Teresa was asked to go to an anti-war rally.  She refused, but she said that if they were ever throwing a pro-peace rally she would certainly attend.  The anti mentality also leads to adversarial interactions as opposed to pro mentality where common ground can be found through the different groups.
  • Thinking in the SHORT TERM vs. focusing on LONG TERM results.  Looking at the fiscal crisis or obesity epidemic shows that we focus on the wrong things, that we want instant gratification. When we do look at consequences we only look at the primary consequences of our action, rarely the secondary, tertiary and subsequent consequences. This is also the cause of procrastination. In the short term it’s easier to put something off because in the short term it may be difficult to do something.  That is the paradox of difficulty of something as a function of time frame.  Those things that are “good” for us are often difficult in the short term (think exercise), but in the long term are highly beneficial.  Those things that are “bad” for us are easy in the short term (think character defects), but in the long term they make life difficult.
  • Looking to BLAME others vs. accepting RESPONSIBILITY for our own actions.  Others may have caused harm to us, but we must maintain focus on ourselves and the harm we have done to others and to ourselves.
  • Focusing on a mentality of LACK vs a mentality of ABUNDANCE. We are blessed and we need to be grateful for the thing that we do have. Gratitude is the way to focus on the things that we’ve been blessed with.  The lack mentality leaves us in a craving state which can cause intense suffering.
  • Focusing on NEGATIVITY vs. focusing on POSITIVITY.  This is the force that produces the vilification of those whose opinions and beliefs are different than our own. The result is a sense of hopelessness if things don’t go exactly our way.  Not seeking God in others. The way out is a focus on hope and seeing God in others.
  • Focusing on JUDGMENT vs. focusing on ACCEPTANCE.  I know that I have many thoughts of how things “should be”.  That implies a judgement. I must accept reality for what is, not complaining how it should be.
  • Focus on the PAST & FUTURE vs. focusing on the PRESENT MOMENT.  The present moment is where serenity is, and where God is. It brings to mind the passage in scripture: “Be still, and know that I am God.”
  • Having a SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT vs. having a COMMITMENT TO SERVICE.  Am I looking out for the greater good? Am I looking out for the least of my brothers? How can I be of service to others? If time truly is the most valuable asset we have, am I tithing 10% of this asset in the service of others, or in connection to God?
  • Having EXPECTATIONS vs. EMBRACING UNCERTAINTY. Am I letting go of the outcome after I have given something my fullest? Working hard, doing my best is a necessity, but I must also let go and have no expectations.  After all expectations are premeditated resentments.
  • Being PRIDEFUL vs. having HUMILITY.  Pride separates me from God, from peace, from contentment.  Humility provides the space or pause where God can come in.  Being full of pride doesn’t leave room left over for that pause to allow God to come in.
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Balance – it’s overrated

Tight rope
Tightrope

Let me challenge you for a moment.  We are never “in balance”, as we are always in motion. The real trick is becoming acutely aware of how out of balance you are, and then adjusting accordingly.  When mankind went to the moon so long ago now, the Apollo was off course more than 90% of the time.  The astronauts were adjusting their trajectory during the course of the transit from earth to moon.  They were never far off their target, but the were rarely perfectly on target.

Be gentle with yourself.  Accept the fact that you and those around you are off balance.  Just challenge yourself to become more aware more quickly, and become more finessed in your abilities in adjusting your balance.  Good luck in these new skills!

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Compassion as a spiritual practice

I was listening to someone speak today about how he was having an argument with his neighbor, and he recognized that his interaction with her was NOT skillful, and that there had to be a better way.  I started to think about the relationships in my life and when I’ve been jammed up and frustrated with how things are going.

I realized that I often get jammed up when I am lacking in compassion.  Why am I getting so upset when X speaks to me in a certain way?  X could be sick and suffering in some way, and if I act compassionately toward them I won’t get as upset, and chances are that the whole interaction will go better.

If I look compassionately at myself during the interaction perhaps I’m coming from a wounded place, also sick and suffering in some way.  What can I do in the moment that is compassionate to me, and not harmful to others?  If X is causing discomfort in me is there I way I can respond that is boundaried and mature?

Compassion is needed more in the world.  Be the starting point of something new and loving in your little corner of the world.

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Gratitude

If you want to experience serenity and peace I have a suggestion for you.  Begin nuturing gratitude.  Make a daily gratitude list.  If you are looking for a good challenge, put 10 items on your gratitude list each day for 90 days, and no repeats.

Gratitude goes beyond a feeling.  True gratitude involves action.  If you feel grateful for your spouse, don’t just say it, show it.  Do chores for them, especially the ones that they hate, and will love you for.

Gratitude changes your heart.  Gratitude changes your vision of the world.  Gratitude makes you an open receptacle to love.  Live gratitude, you will not be disappointed.

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Do the hokey pokey!

Sometimes we all get stuck and we are unable to move forward.  We think that we need to be graceful all the time, even the first time we do things.  This type of mental paralysis is quite crippling, it prevents us from achieving all that we are meant to be.

I was meeting with a friend of mine and I brought up this topic of feeling stuck.  He said it’s like the hokey pokey.  You just need to put your left foot in and shake it all about.  You most likely will not look graceful, but you will be dancing and you will be having fun (if you let yourself have fun).  Get involved in the dance that is life.  Do the hokey pokey, and have fun while doing it!  You deserve to have fun, you deserve to move past this mental paralysis.  Have fun, that’s what it’s all about!

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How SMART are your goals?

Are you having difficulty achieving your goals? Perhaps you need to do a better job in defining your goal so that it is SMART.

S

 specific – The more specific the goal the better. What clearly is the expected outcome?

M

 measurable – How will you know that you’ve accomplished your goal? A good measurable goal has a number associated with it – how many, how much.

A

 attainable – Can it be achieved? A goal should stretch you but you should be able to achieve it if you apply yourself.

R

 relevant – Is this goal meaningful to your life?  If it is unimportant to you, then why are you even working on this goal?

T

 time bound – Does your goal have a due date? A desired outcome without a due date is just a dream, not a goal.  Clearly define when you want to achieve your goal.

For further information about SMART goals you may want to reference the Wikipedia page on it – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria

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Where are you on your map?

Every map is useless unless you know where you are on the map. ~ David Allen

If you want true lasting change in your life you need to know where you are emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  How then do you begin the journey of self discovery?  There are many ways to start, but here are a few that I’ve found helpful.

What’s your personality type?
According to some experts in the field of psychology there are 16 personality types. It’s helpful to know what your own personality type is, and it can be really freaky to read about your own personality type. It’s almost as though someone is in your head. For descriptions of the personality types, and links to online assessments please go to:
http://www.typelogic.com

What’s your love language?
There is a great book written by Gary Chapman where he posits that people take in and express love in one of five ways.  If you want love in the form of words of affirmation and your partner only gives you gifts you won’t feel loved.  I recommend that you know what your love language is so that you know what you need.  I further recommend that you know the love language of the important people in your life, and speak their love language to them often.  To find out your love language go to: