Author: Bill Riedy

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7 things to CONSUME to reduce anxiety

Anxiety is a pretty formidable foe.  To have success in managing anxiety you often have to do different things, think different thoughts, take medication, and even change your diet.  I have had some pretty intense episodes of anxiety including having had a full blown panic attack.  If a doctor has prescribed medication for you then you should adhere to the doctor’s advice.

There are however things you can change in your diet that may have a major impact on your anxiety.  Here are things that you can eat or drink to reduce your anxiety.  I can personally attest to the benefit of these as it is very rare for me to have anxiety.

  1. Magnesium supplements.  I would suggest a magnesium complex supplement (several different magnesium compounds) vs a single type of magnesium compound as our bodies differ and one compound may work better for you than another.  Take between 100% and 300% of the USRDA.  Mega doses of vitamins and minerals can put a major strain on your body.  I would suggest that you start of at 100% and take that for 3 days and see how that helps or hinders your anxiety.  Next 200% for 3 days.  Same exercise: help or hinder your anxiety.  Lastly 300% for 3 days, same drill of help/hinder.  Warning: at higher doses it may make your stools soft.  For me personally 300% was too much as I was encountering that side effect.  I dropped down to 200% magnesium USRDA and no side effects with positive impact on my anxiety.  For a study please read:     https://bebrainfit.com/magnesium-anxiety-stress/
  2. Water.  An adult human’s weight is between 65 and 75% water.  Keeping hydrated is very important to health, especially brain health.  The recommended 8 cups of water is not an adequate amount of water for most people.  A better guideline is based upon your body weight.  Take your weight in pounds and divide in half.  That resulting number is the minimum number of fluid ounces of plain water you should be drinking.  Assuming you weigh 200 pounds that would equate to 100 fluid ounces of water, which is significantly more than the recommended 64 ounces.  If you exercise vigorously, live in an arid environment, take medications that are diuretic or drink caffeinated beverages then you should drink more water.  I wouldn’t recommend going beyond your body weight.  In the example above of a 200 pound man they shouldn’t exceed 200 fluid ounces of water.  Warning: drinking too much water too quickly can get your electrolytes out of balance and could even be lethal.  I wouldn’t recommend that you drink more than 20 ounces of water in a single hour.
  3. Omega 3 fatty acids.  The brain is predominantly made up of water and fat.  Omega 3 fatty acids are the building blocks for the body to make essential fat that is in the brain.  I take 2 capsules daily: fish oil; and flaxseed oil.  They contain different fatty acids and I’d prefer to cover as many bases as possible.  Note: at this comparatively low dose you should not get the “fish oil burps”, a condition that I only encountered when taking 4 or more fish oil capsules daily.  If you do encounter that side effect then fall back on taking 2 flaxseed oil capsules daily.
  4. Eat a lower carbohydrate diet to avoid blood sugar spikes.  The brain is a complex piece of machinery.  If you feed it a diet of simple carbohydrates your blood sugar will spike and dip.  This inconsistency makes it more difficult for the brain to be running smoothly.  Anxiety is like being on a “mental gerbil wheel”.  Be kind to your brain and eat complex carbohydrates vs simple carbohydrates.  Try to eat food in its natural state vs. something that has been processed.  Eat ingredients, not recipes.  Try to limit your sugars (including fructose).  Eat your fruit but eat more vegetables than fruit.  An apple would be better than apple juice.  Apple juice would be better than a piece of apple pie.  A piece of homemade apple pie would be better than a Hostess fruit pie.
  5. Vitamin B complex supplement.  There are several different members of the B family of vitamins.  Many of them do effect mental health and specifically anxiety.  For more information I’d suggest reading: http://www.calmclinic.com/blog/calm-clinic-review-b-vitamins
  6. Green tea.  Green tea contains an amino acid that has been shown to calm a rising heart rate.  Let the tea help calm you down.  See the following for some more information. https://bodyecology.com/articles/can-green-tea-reduce-anxiety-stress.php
  7. Chamomile tea.  Chamomile tea has a calming effect on the body as well.  Many people use it as a means to unwind at the end of the day.  For more information on chamomile tea please see: https://www.realnatural.org/chamomile-relaxes-fights-anxiety-and-depression/

Good luck in your fight in managing your anxiety.  Don’t fall into the mental trap that you will be able to rid yourself of all anxiety.  That is unrealistic.  Anxiety, at small levels, is part of the human experience.  Work towards minimizing your anxiety but don’t expect elimination.

Note: I don’t claim to be an expert on any of these things.  I’m sharing what has helped for me.  I’m suggesting that you try these things as they may have a positive effect on you as well.  The links are there for your information only.  I was in no way compensated to include those links.

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Letting go of contempt prior to investigation

I read spiritual texts from many traditions.  The TRUTH is the truth regardless of the language used or the topics discussed.  In the book Alcoholics Anonymous there is a quote mistakenly attributed to Herbert Spencer.  The actual source of the quote however is William Paley.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”
— William Paley

We all scoff at things that seem foreign to us.  Stop turning your nose up at those things you have not experienced.  These new things are not better or worse than your own experiences, they are merely different.

If there is an inner revulsion to this new experience try to soften and let go of this revulsion.  A softening could be: “Other people do action X, but I’ve chosen not to partake”.  Let others have their own ways.  There is no reason to have everyone conform to the same set of rules and actions.

Let’s say that you scoff at the idea of meditation, and you believe that it is a sham.  Have you ever really tried to meditate?  Have you been willing to devote a block of time to become somewhat competent in this new thing before you pass judgement on it?

Be willing to try new things.  Step outside of your comfort zone.  Come on in, the water is warm.  Let go of your contempt, if only for the present moment.  Engage in this new experience fully so that you can make an informed judgement.  If after you have personally experience it you believe that it is not beneficial to you, say that you found no truth in it, but other people may have a different experience.

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I believe in reincarnation – kind of.

Some Eastern faith traditions teach the concept of reincarnation.  We are born, we live, we die, and the cycle repeats until you are awakened.

In the Christian faith there is the concept of eternal life, that if we believe in Jesus as the son of God then we will have eternal life.

I’m going to avoid either opinion however and go with the middle way.  Every day is a new creation.  The only moment that exists is NOW.  When we fully engage in the present moment that is where suffering ends and salvation (or awakening) can be who we are.

Do I believe in reincarnation?  On the microscopic level with a new creation every moment, I would say definitively YES.  You can choose to be fully engaged in the present moment.  All it takes is to surrender to the reality of the present moment.  You don’t have to like the present moment, you just need to accept it as your present moment.  What if your present moment is an unpleasant and unhealthy place?  You can and should make plans and take actions now so that your future moments will be better than what you are experiencing now.  Not accepting the reality of the present moment however is a hurdle to progress.

Accept where you are now.  Then move on.

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How to Love: The Five Love Languages

In John 13:34 Jesus told us what we need to do. “I give you a new commandment: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you must also love one another.”.

That is a very tall order.  It’s especially difficult sometimes to know how best to love the people around you.  Sometimes the things you do are not interpreted by others as loving actions.

I read a book about this very topic.  Other than the Bible it has had the greatest influence on my life.  Its simple wisdom can be put into immediate action and have amazing results.  The book is “The Five Love Languages”, by the author Dr. Gary Chapman.  In this book Dr. Chapman states that people take in and express love in five ways.  They are: (in no particular order)

  • Words of affirmation
  • Physical touch
  • Gifts
  • Quality time
  • Acts of service

We all need to feel loved.  When we don’t feel loved we begin to misbehave. Dr. Chapman calls this condition “having an empty love tank”.  Regardless of the question, love is the answer.  Find out how to best love the people in your life.

Let’s talk a little bit about the love languages.  For example, let’s say that you are a teenager living at home and you realize that your mother’s love language is acts of service.  Perhaps what you can do to show your love to your Mom would be to set and clear the dinner table each night without being asked.  Do the task and think to yourself that you are doing it to express your love for your Mom.

As another illustration let’s say that your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation.  You do lots of chores in the house and give your spouse gifts frequently.  Your spouse may not feel loved as you haven’t given her/him the love in the appropriate love language. Harsh words would be especially hurtful towards your spouse so you should make every effort not to speak harshly to them.

Here is a link to the Five Love Languages on Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-5-love-languages-gary-chapman/1112878532.

The official website for the Five Love Languages is: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Jesus told us to love, and this book will help you in expressing your love for the people in your life.

By the way, my primary love language is words of affirmation.  I feel extra special when people tell me positive affirming messages about me.  My secondary love language is physical touch and I really enjoy getting hugs from my loved ones.

Learn your love language.  Learn the love language for the close people in your life.  Express yourself to those people in their preferred love language.  You will be amazed at how loved you and they feel.

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Where are you?

If you’ve ever look at the store directory map at the mall there is typically a big red dot on it marked “You are here”. If you consider life to be a journey, where are you on the map of your life?

The proper answer is right now, in the present moment, wherever you physically are. You may not like the place where you are, but you should acknowledge the reality of your present moment. 

The “trick” is to practice mindfulness. Some people are confused about what mindfulness is. It is a conscious awareness of the present moment, witnessing it without judgement and with acceptance. 

Accepting the present moment doesn’t mean you like it, you just realize that it is your present reality.  You can mindfully plan your future self, but don’t get stuck in the future. You are where you are.  Accept it, learn from it, and be at peace with it.

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Five Categories of Boundaries

OK I’ve mentioned two types of Boundaries: protective and containment boundaries. See my post Two types of boundaries for a further discussion on protective vs. containment boundaries.  Is there another way to look at boundaries?  Of course there is.

I find it helpful to have a systemic way of looking at things. One system that I return to again and again is a five level hierarchy to categorize aspects of my life. Starting from the bottom and working our way up the levels are:

  • physical
  • emotional
  • mental
  • social
  • spiritual

I will share other topics on these 5 levels in the future, but let’s get back to boundaries.

Physical Boundaries

Having appropriate and mature boundaries (protective and containment) regarding your physical being.  Some examples include:

  • Not being touched inappropriately;
  • Having private alone time;
  • Personal items not being used without permission;
  • Personal space;
  • Respecting locked doors to private space;
  • No extremely loud noises;

Emotional Boundaries

Having appropriate and mature boundaries (protective and containment) regarding your emotional being.  Some examples include:

  • Being in tune with the situation and having appropriate response (no flying off the handle);
  • Not being told we shouldn’t feel a certain way, and saying that to others;
  • Denying your feelings;
  • Being given time (yourself and others) to process emotions;
  • Labeling your emotion.  The 7 base emotions are: sad, mad, glad, lonely, afraid, embarrassed, and guilty.  If it’s not one of those, chances are it’s an emotion PLUS a thought;
  • Scanning your body to see where that emotions expresses itself in your body;
  • Having the courage to experience and sense emotions without acting out from that intense place;
  • No blaming others for your emotions which includes no talk of “you made me feel”;
  • Taking ownership and responsibility for your own emotions;

Mental Boundaries

Having appropriate and mature boundaries (protective and containment) regarding your mental being.  Some examples include:

  • Not being called stupid;
  • Not being told your thoughts don’t matter;
  • No lying. Lying could be a commission – telling an untruth, or via omission – not telling the whole truth;
  • Listening with an open mind;
  • Not getting stuck in “stinking thinking” (Ego, Greed, Aversion, Delusion);
  • Holding onto your opinions and beliefs;
  • Respecting another persons opinions and beliefs;
  • If you are getting stuck in “stinking thinking” ask yourself 4 questions before you speak or act.  Is it TRUE? Is it KIND? Is it NECESSARY? Is it HUMBLE?  If the answer is NO to any of these questions then you shouldn’t speak or act;
  • If you must disagree with someone, then disagree with their line of thought, but not with them;

Social Boundaries

Having appropriate and mature boundaries (protective and containment) regarding your social being.  Some examples include:

  • Not condoning or participating in gossip;
  • Not lying or manipulating;
  • Following through on your commitments;
  • Being respectful of people’s time;
  • Having good manners;
  • Not accepting or condoning toxic behavior.  Separating yourself from toxic people;
  • Speak directly to others, no triangulation.  An example of triangulation: A has issue with B, A doesn’t talk to B, A talks to C, and A is hoping that C will talk to B on their behalf;
  • Following through with your plans if others don’t show up.  Allowing others to go through with their plans if you don’t show up;

Spiritual Boundaries

Having appropriate and mature boundaries (protective and containment) regarding your spiritual being.  Spirituality is different than religion. See my blog post Religion vs. Spirituality on a discussion of religion vs. spirituality.  Some examples include:

  • Holding on to your beliefs;
  • Respecting the beliefs of others and not preaching at them they are wrong and your ways is right;
  • Refusing to betray your moral values;
  • Being open to listen to others sharing their beliefs and looking for the common ground between your belief and theirs;
  • Letting go of the language of good and bad.  These carry too much weight and people can take them on that they are inherently bad.  Choose instead the language of helpful versus harmful;
  • Let go of judging others.  If you must still judge someone then focus on their behavior and the words they speak.  We can’t truly know another persons thoughts and emotions.  That capability is outside of human hands, but rather in the hands of the Divine;
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Boundaries – Parenting Your Inner Child

Many people think of setting boundaries as controlling another persons behavior.  On the surface I would agree with that assessment.  However boundaries have a much deeper context.

Lying within all of us is our own wounded inner child.  Face it, we are all broken in one way or another.  Boundaries are really about parenting that inner wounded child.

Confronting someone who has violated your boundary sounds like a good thing to do.  I would say that this is not always true.  In the real world if your child was being bullied by another child you may want to swoop in there and punish the bully.  The thing is that even bullies have parents.  Confrontation is not always the best solution.  Perhaps the best solution is to remove your child from the situation.  The same holds true as we set boundaries as an adult.  Our mature outer adult is defining what is and is not acceptable behavior and having an action plan that “if you do X” then “I will do Y”.  If you continue to speak to me in a loud and sarcastic way then I’m going to excuse myself and take myself (and my wounded inner child) out of harms way.

Confronting bad behavior can backfire.  I would posit that perhaps you are trying to teach the inner wounded child of the bully what is and is not acceptable behavior.  The thing is that inner wounded child could be running the show for the outer adult, and that outer adult may have real power that may be able to harm you (physically, emotionally, financially, etc).

Be a loving parent to your own inner wounded child.  Keep them safe.  Create an environment that is beneficial for their growth and healing.

Setting clear and mature boundaries will not only parent your own inner wounded child, but it will model good behavior and perhaps influence the inner wounded children of the people in your life.  You can’t control other people, but you can influence them.  Be the shining light of reason and serenity.  Be loving but firm and protect your inner childs environment.

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Two types of boundaries

I like slicing and dicing complex concepts so that I only need to understand the concept from a particular point of view. Once I understand it from that viewpoint I can then attempt to see the concept from a different vantage point. That is what I will do with boundaries over the next several posts.

Two types of boundaries

  • Protective boundaries
  • Containment boundaries

Protective boundaries are limits that I put into place to protect myself from the poor behavior of others. Protective boundaries can be put in place to prevent persistent yelling, or sarcasm, or any other poor behavior. Protective boundaries typically take the form:

When you do (specific-behavior), I will remind you of my boundary. If you continue to (specific-behavior) I will respond by doing (consequence-behavior).

For example:

When you raise your voice in anger to me I will calmly remind you of my boundary. If you continue to raise your voice in anger to me I will calmly leave the house and go for a walk or drive for between 15 minutes and an hour.

Protective boundaries are not easy but they are necessary.

Containment boundaries are limits that I put into place to protect others from my poor behavior. You mean that I am not perfect? Containment boundaries typically take the form:

When you do (specific-behavior) I (feel-emotion/think-thought) and I will do (limiting-behavior).

For example:

When you talk on and on I think ‘will he ever shut up’, and I will not interrupt you but rather I will recite the serenity prayer in my head.

Containment boundaries are also not easy, but they are just as necessary. 

I would strongly suggest that for every protective boundary you have in place that you also create the corresponding containment boundary. For instance, if you do not want others to raise their voice in anger to you, then your containment boundary would be that you can not raise your voice in anger to others.

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Boundaries: what are they?

Boundaries are things that put a limit on something else. They clearly define the minimum or maximum. Boundaries define what is inside and what is outside. They delineate what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Boundaries can be many things to many different people. In the context of life coaching boundaries are put into place to control the poor behavior of people and to protect one from the other.

Boundaries can be healthy or unhealthy. They can be lovingly firm or manipulative and controlling. Healthy boundaries are lovingly firm and should protect you from the poor behavior of others. Boundaries are not perfect, you may still get hurt, but hopefully the boundary has protected you from the gravest harm.

Boundaries should be firm yet flexible. You may have a firm boundary where people should not yell and curse in your presence, but it should be flexible enough to allow for a loud and profane interjection after your spouse hits their thumb with a hammer. It wouldn’t permit a non-stop cursing tirade after hammering the thumb, but an involuntary F* or S* after the hit would be understandable.

Creating and maintaining flexible and healthy boundaries can be very difficult but it is well worth the effort.

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Check your posture

About 10 years ago I was traveling a lot for work. I was having many long days with lots of “windshield time”, out to customers then back home. Ibuprofen and acetaminophen were not making a dent in my lower back pain. I needed something different. 

I decided to see a chiropractor to see if they could help. I was sitting in the exam room, the chiropractor came into the room, and asked “how is your posture?”.  I said I thought it was good. He said “stand up”. He glanced up and down and stated “Your posture is crap. Your head, your shoulders, and your hips need to be in be vertical alignment. If they are not, then you’ll be in pain.”

He helped my back pain. A few days later I had a personal epiphany. Some call it a “V8 moment” or a “blinding flash of the obvious”, but it hit me: I had a spiritual posture as well and if I wasn’t in spiritual alignment I would be in spiritual pain. What do I mean by spiritual alignment? I need to be rooted and aligned in the present moment.

I needed a checklist to check my spiritual posture. 

  1. Where are my feet? What physical sensations am I currently experiencing? Hot/cold, heaviness/lightness, tightness/looseness in the body
  2. Where is my heart? What emotions am I experiencing? The 7 base emotions are: sad, mad, glad, lonely, afraid, embarrassed, guilty.  If it’s not one of these it’s probably an emotion PLUS a judgment of how things should be. Also where in the body do I experience the emotion? For me anger manifests as tightness between my shoulder blades  
  3. Where is my mind? What am I thinking about? Am I judging, planning, recalling, etc? Are my thoughts true, kind, necessary, humble? Am I caught in some sort of cognitive dissonance sometimes referred to as “stinking thinking”. 
  4. Where is my spirit? Am I in acting from a place where I am part of a greater whole. We are all connected to each other.  Regardless of the question love is the answer.

    Once you’ve checked your spiritual posture do your best to truly experience  the moment you are in.

    Good luck!