Where Mind, Body, and Spirit Make You One
We are all flawed. That’s not an indictment, merely a fact.
Food for thought: the word sin is not about eternal damnation. The origin of the word is either Hebrew or Aramaic (the language Jesus spoke) and it comes from archery meaning ‘to miss the mark’ – to not hit the bullseye.
We all fall short of God’s ideal. Pick up the bow and shoot another arrow. Try to get closer to the mark. We don’t need to be perfect, we merely need to strive to do better.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Yogi Berra
We all come to decision points in our lives, sometime decisions that we don’t really want to make. Sometimes the decision choice we ultimately select is the one we’ve been fighting against for a long time. As frequent readers of this blog know that I have depression, and it has truly been a chronic disease in my life. Mine is the treatment resistant variety of depression, lucky me! I’ve come to the point that I am seriously considering Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT article on Wikipedia). I’ve read too many anecdotal stories of the horrors and side effects of ECT. Perhaps it’s time I look at the science and proven efficacy of ECT.
According to Wikipedia 1 ECT is effective for approximately 50% of people. Given the intractable nature of my manifestation of my depression, 50% may not seem so good, but I’m willing to do anything to get relief. ECT induces seizures by passing an electrical current through either a single hemisphere of the brain, or through both hemispheres of the brain (unipolar and bipolar stimulation respectively).
Of the 50% of people who respond positively to ECT, half of those people relapse 2 within 12 months. A discouraging turn in the statistics, but is a 25% chance of getting lasting relief worth the effort? At this juncture, and considering how tired I am of the disease, I would say yes.
I need to gather more information before I take the fork in the road, but I’m very close to saying yes.
NOTES
1 I know that Wikipedia is information source that can be changed and manipulated by everyone. What I typically use it for is an initial research on a topic as it is fairly good source to pick up the lingo of a particular topic so that subsequent Internet searches use appropriate keywords.
2 By relapse I mean the return of some or all of the depressive symptoms. It’s not like a relapse in alcoholism where I would need to consume an alcoholic drink to trigger the return of the active disease, a relapse in depression could be triggered by any one of a number of things that would result in the return of depressive symptoms.
Uncertainty and confusion are part of the human experience. Accept that you will have to go through the state of confusion before you arrive at clarity. Being confused about something means that you are on the journey of acquiring knowledge and wisdom. Confusion does not need to be a permanent state. It may take time and perhaps great mental effort but understanding will eventually come. Be gentle with yourself when you are in a moment of confusion. You are not expected to know everything in this moment. More will be revealed as time passes.
Be like the bamboo: the higher you grow, the deeper you bow.
– Chinese proverb
The first of the deadly sins is pride. I personally don’t believe that pride is a problem, but rather false pride the problem. False pride comes in two forms:
Neither of these propositions are true. False pride is like looking at yourself in a fun house mirror. Your image bends and warps into larger and smaller versions of themselves. What you need is a clear vision of yourself. How can you be right sized? Rely on your Higher Power, the God of your understanding. Pray this simple prayer so that you can have a clear view of yourself.
Lord, may I see myself as You see me.
Pray this simple prayer often, and you will become more humble. Try it on for size, and see if it works for you too.
Have you ever been caught in a mental trap of negativity? There is a simple solution: Reseed the lawn that is your mind. You already have the solutions to the problems that vex you. I wrote the post above a little over 7 years ago. My former self was talking to my current self. The solution is truly simple. Just fill my mind with positivity. Act as if. I can’t think my way to feeling better, I must act my way into better feeling. The choice is mine and mine alone. Granted the world may throw challenges my way, but life is 10% what is dealt to you, and 90% how you react to it. I have to focus on the 90%, that which is in my control, my reaction to the world.
Do I wish things were different than what they are? A whole-hearted Yes. A wish alone is not going to change my reality. Only action has the power to change reality. And that action needs to be positive. Am I engaging the world from a place of peace and happiness, or am I in a place of discord and negativity?
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
– Marcel Proust
I know what it’s like to be in negativity, and I know what it’s like to be positive. I merely need to choose and to act accordingly. If you see me, I’ll be the one with the bag of seeds, casting them onto the lawn I call my mind. Be well and reseed your own lawn.
You’ve probably all heard the phrase “they have a few screws loose” being used to describe someone stuck in a bad situation. I submit that is not the problem, but rather your screws are too tight.
Have you ever assembled furniture from Ikea? You’re assembling, tightening the screws as you go along. When you get to the last screw you find you can’t even thread the screw, things are just NOT lined up. Is the solution to tighten up all the screws even more? NO, we all know what the answer is. You must loosen all the screws to give the furniture flexibility to thread the last screw. Once all the screws have been threaded, then you can tighten all the screws.
The same holds true with some of our beliefs: about ourselves, about others, about our past, about our future, about our current situation. We too often cling to our beliefs because they are OURS and we know them so well. In order for there to be dramatic change in your life you sometimes need to loosen your grip on your old beliefs to allow new more beneficial beliefs to come your way.
Your initial reaction to a suggestion may be “NO WAY, NEVER“. If you can’t let that belief go, at least loosen your screw to be “No, not right now“. That leaves the door of possibility open slightly so that in the future you could potentially take the suggestion.
Let go. Loosen your screws. Let new beliefs come into your life. You are worth it.
You probably know by now that I am a big proponent of the Five Love Languages a book written by Gary Chapman. Well he wrote another book on a related topic, the Five Languages of Apology.
Sometimes just saying “I’m sorry” is not enough. We must speak to the one we wounded and speak their language of apology.
If you’re unsure of what their language of apology is, then I would suggest you speak all five variants just to be certain that the person knows that you are sorry. Apologizing for what you’ve done wrong is not a damning judgment of you and you’ll spend your eternity in Hell. Apologizing to one you’ve wounded shows that you’re human and that you care about that other person enough to be willing to admit your fault.
Admit where you’ve wronged another. And speak their language of apology to them.
I’m big into models as they can simplify a topic and make it easier to understand. Sometimes the topic of coaching can seem daunting, but it needn’t be. A simple model of coaching is the GROW model.
The acronym to remember is GROW.
Coaching is not just about coaching others, but also about coaching yourself. We can all improve our life situation. By using the GROW model you can have a way towards that brighter future. Be bold and GROW!
A friend of my son is achieving the rank of Eagle Scout, which is a pretty amazing achievement for someone still in high school. It got me thinking about the oaths and slogans that are bandied about in scouting. I find it helpful to look at the ideals and beliefs of organizations and different faith traditions. We’re human, and as such we are flawed so any ideals we put out there will not be achieved by everyone 100% of the time.
I know that the Boy Scouts of America is in a state of transition and its ideals in the past were ignored or upheld in very biased ways. I’m not looking to get into a deep discussion or dialog about the good and bad of scouting. I want to focus on just one thing: The Scout Law.
The Scout Law has 12 points. Each is a goal for every Scout. A Scout tries to live up to the Law every day. It is not always easy to do, but a Scout always tries.
A Scout is:
Tell the truth and keep promises. People can depend on you.
Show that you care about your family, friends, Scout leaders, school, and country.
Volunteer to help others without expecting a reward.
Be a friend to everyone, even people who are very different from you.
Be polite to everyone and always use good manners.
Treat others as you want to be treated . Never harm or kill any living thing without good reason.
Follow the rules of your family, school, and pack. Obey the laws of your community and country.
Look for the bright side of life. Cheerfully do tasks that come your way. Try to help others be happy.
Work to pay your own way. Try not to be wasteful. Use time, food, supplies, and natural resources wisely.
Face difficult situations even when you feel afraid. Do what you think is right despite what others might be doing or saying.
Keep your body and mind fit . Help keep your home and community clean.
Be reverent toward God. Be faithful in your religious duties. Respect the beliefs of others.
From: The Boy Scouts of America FAQ.
These are wonderful ideas to live by. The world would be a better place if people followed the Scout Law.
What motivates our behavior?
We can make this as simple or as complicated as we like. I prefer simplicity. There are 3 main things that drive our motivation:
Back in the early times of humanity, the motivational triad served us well and kept the species alive. Pleasure was hard to come by, so seeking it out was an important part of our development. Pain has always been part of the human experience, and it can not be eliminated, but it can be minimized. Preserving energy through the least necessary effort enabled us to conserve our energy and survive long term.
An enlightened alternative
I’m going to suggest an alternative that brings self-awareness, compassion, and rationality to our motivation. I would suggest the following:
Pain is part of the human experience. Suffering is optional.
Suffering is the mental and emotional anguish we put ourselves when there is something or someone not to our liking. Life sometimes presents difficult situation, and this is the first arrow that the Buddha talked about. The second arrow is the one we inflict upon ourselves by saying things like: Why me? Why am I so unlucky? God is punishing me.
There are things we can do that may cause pain, but are in our long term best interest. Going to the dentist can be painful, even the cleaning and flossing can cause pain. But we are keeping on top of our dental health so it is worth the small price to pay with discomfort. Going to the dentist is Painful but also Helpful.
There are things that can bring us pain, but are not in our best long term interest. Let’s say I eat a doughnut. Yum who doesn’t like doughnuts? But if I’m trying to lose 50 pounds then eating that junk food is against my goal and is Harmful even though it brought about Pleasure in the present moment.