Many people think of setting boundaries as controlling another persons behavior. On the surface I would agree with that assessment. However boundaries have a much deeper context.
Lying within all of us is our own wounded inner child. Face it, we are all broken in one way or another. Boundaries are really about parenting that inner wounded child.
Confronting someone who has violated your boundary sounds like a good thing to do. I would say that this is not always true. In the real world if your child was being bullied by another child you may want to swoop in there and punish the bully. The thing is that even bullies have parents. Confrontation is not always the best solution. Perhaps the best solution is to remove your child from the situation. The same holds true as we set boundaries as an adult. Our mature outer adult is defining what is and is not acceptable behavior and having an action plan that “if you do X” then “I will do Y”. If you continue to speak to me in a loud and sarcastic way then I’m going to excuse myself and take myself (and my wounded inner child) out of harms way.
Confronting bad behavior can backfire. I would posit that perhaps you are trying to teach the inner wounded child of the bully what is and is not acceptable behavior. The thing is that inner wounded child could be running the show for the outer adult, and that outer adult may have real power that may be able to harm you (physically, emotionally, financially, etc).
Be a loving parent to your own inner wounded child. Keep them safe. Create an environment that is beneficial for their growth and healing.
Setting clear and mature boundaries will not only parent your own inner wounded child, but it will model good behavior and perhaps influence the inner wounded children of the people in your life. You can’t control other people, but you can influence them. Be the shining light of reason and serenity. Be loving but firm and protect your inner childs environment.
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