I firmly believe that we are put here on this earth to love one another. The difficult thing is that it is sometimes difficult in knowing how to love one another. I have a suggested book for you to read on this very topic. This books wisdom and the ease of putting this wisdom into action makes this book the most influential book I have ever read.
According to author Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages (Amazon) (Barnes & Noble), people take in, and express love in five distinct ways. In no particular order, the 5 love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Gift giving/receiving
- Physical touch
If you want others to feel loved, you need to speak their love language, not the one that comes easiest to you. My primary love language is words of affirmation whereas my wife’s primary love language is acts of service. When I tell my wife that “she is beautiful” and that “I love her” she most likely is not going to interpret those as loving acts on my part. If I want her to feel loved, then I need to clean the bathroom, and do the laundry.
I need to do the full job and not a cursory “quickie” job. So for the laundry I need to do all of the following to get full credit:
- pick up dirty clothes
- separate into darks, whites, and linens
- put into washer
- put into dryer
- fold all the clothes, linens, and socks (my personal anathema)
- put away
Now I may hate to do the laundry (which I do). But it is not about me. I’m looking for ways to express my love to my wife. So when I do the complete task of the laundry it becomes less of a burden as I am doing it to express my love.
I mentioned primary love language as we are all capable of speaking and hearing all 5 of the languages. We have preferences for those that mean the most to us. Speak them all if possible. If it’s not possible to speak them all, then at the very least speak their primary love language.
Find out your own love language. Share this information with the closest loved ones in your life. There is no guarantee that they will speak your love language, but if you don’t share this information it is not likely they will know how to best love you.
Encourage those closest to you to take the assessment and find out their love language. Ask them if they could share that information with you. Now armed with that new piece of information, speak that love language to them. Speak your spouse’s/partner’s love language. Speak to your child(ren) in their love language. Speak to your parents and your siblings in their love language. Speak to your friends in their love language.
For an assessment (quick quiz) to determine your love language please go to Gary’s website (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/). If you are looking for more complete descriptions of the 5 love languages go to his website or buy the book The 5 Love Languages (Amazon) (Barnes & Noble). Or if you are frugal see if your local library has a copy.
Read it. Apply the wisdom in your life. Stand back and feel the love. (Pardon the pun)
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