I’m going through some real struggles in my life right now.  My depression is really kicking my butt right now and I’m thirsty.  I don’t plan on picking up a drink, but the urge is definitely there.

I attended a meeting this morning and we read from “As Bill Sees It”, reading #199.  It talked about humility and its opposite arrogance.  I realize that I can be arrogant even when I’m down on myself.  Self deprecation is a form of negative pride — that I’m unworthy of love, even self-love.

I’ve been abstinent a long time, but that is not the same as sobriety.  Sobriety for me is being happy joyous and free — true peace of mind.  I feel that true sobriety (as I define it) is dependent upon a few “keystones” that are critical to the structure.  They are: humility, acceptance, and gratitude.

When I pray in the morning for humility I have a chance.  If instead I pray for strength I screw it up.  My addictive mind can twist that into a spot of ego and go wild with it.  Also when I fail, and I will fail in some manner as I’m human, I can use that failure as yet another way of bludgeoning myself.  If instead I pray for humility I don’t have to do anything.  There isn’t an expectation of success, just an expectation of being.

For acceptance I really need to read and reread the passage from AA Big Book begining on page 417 of the 4th edition (449 of the 3rd edition).

For gratitude I just need to practice it and keep a gratitude journal. I need that “attitude of gratitude”.

I hope and pray that you can have all 3 keystones today!