Keystones to peace, serenity, and sobriety

Thursday, August 6, 2009 by admin.

I’m going through some real struggles in my life right now.  My depression is really kicking my butt right now and I’m thirsty.  I don’t plan on picking up a drink, but the urge is definitely there.

I attended a meeting this morning and we read from “As Bill Sees It”, reading #199.  It talked about humility and its opposite arrogance.  I realize that I can be arrogant even when I’m down on myself.  Self deprecation is a form of negative pride — that I’m unworthy of love, even self-love.

I’ve been abstinent a long time, but that is not the same as sobriety.  Sobriety for me is being happy joyous and free — true peace of mind.  I feel that true sobriety (as I define it) is dependent upon a few “keystones” that are critical to the structure.  They are: humility, acceptance, and gratitude.

When I pray in the morning for humility I have a chance.  If instead I pray for strength I screw it up.  My addictive mind can twist that into a spot of ego and go wild with it.  Also when I fail, and I will fail in some manner as I’m human, I can use that failure as yet another way of bludgeoning myself.  If instead I pray for humility I don’t have to do anything.  There isn’t an expectation of success, just an expectation of being.

For acceptance I really need to read and reread the passage from AA Big Book begining on page 417 of the 4th edition (449 of the 3rd edition).

For gratitude I just need to practice it and keep a gratitude journal. I need that “attitude of gratitude”.

I hope and pray that you can have all 3 keystones today!

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